


Christmas in March

by Providence26



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 02:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Providence26/pseuds/Providence26
Summary: Post Witness Protection.My first ever fic, originally published on Tumblr back in 2013





	Christmas in March

Alex Cabot was finally ready to put this day, and this whole week, behind her. Her return to SVU had been a mixed bag of emotions. The 1-6 had started to feel like a second home to her prior to her shooting during the Velez investigation. She had missed that feeling, the safe comfort and quiet strength of her detectives more than she could put words to.

Her distance upon her return was baffling, even to herself. This past week had been a testament to the emotional strength and forgiveness of the SVU team, and had only helped highlight how weak and afraid witness protection had made her feel. In their presence she keenly felt the hollow space of her lack of courage.  
It was a feeling that Alex Cabot detested. It was fine when she was Emily, and again when she was Rachel, she was just pretending, going through the motions anyway. Her choices since becoming Alex Cabot again were starkly different to those she would have made before WPP. Alex Cabot was out of her grasp, and the harder she tried to make sense of herself, the worse her decisions were. She had hurt so many people, and had no idea how to make amends or even to make them understand, especially when she, herself, did not.

She knew that in order to reclaim her life she had to go back to the place that had defined her best. Thus her return to the 1-6. It hadn’t been the open armed welcome that she had hoped for, the shock on their faces told her of the hurt and betrayal that they felt. There was distance and wariness in their interactions. But underneath all of that there was the inherent caring and acceptance of the lost sheep back to the fold.

 

As she neared her building she could feel the stresses of the day start to leave. She had recently managed to find a new apartment in the same neighborhood she had loved so well before, it had become her sanctuary. There were no memories of Robert here, her office was tainted with the mistake that was Jim, but here she could start fresh.

The moment she walked through the entrance way, the security man beckoned her over.

“Ms Cabot, a detective dropped this off for you, she didn’t leave her name. Do you need me to carry it up for you?” He handed over a large, white paper sack of items.

“Thank you, but I should be fine.”

 

During the elevator ride up to her apartment Alex could only think one thing, it had to be Liv.  
She had missed Olivia with an intensity that left an ache deep within her. It had surprised her how deeply she had begun to depend on her. Each interaction, every fight, the late evenings in bars and restaurants trying to shake off the fog of evil that pervaded their lives, they were all a vital part of her days. It had only been once Olivia was no longer around for her to lean on, to go to for comfort that she realised just how much she had come to rely on it. That shocking realisation had made her return a nerve wracking prospect.

Once she was safely inside her home, with a glass of wine in hand she gave her attention to the bag. She was almost afraid to look inside, and then chided herself for being ridiculous. She had nothing to fear from Liv. Summoning up the strength to look inside, at the top she saw a letter.

Alex,

These are yours, I kept them, ready for your return. I know it isn’t Christmas any longer, but I thought about you each year, wishing I could give them to you in person, Merry Christmas (in March).

Liv

Below this were several wrapped presents. One for each Christmas that she had missed.  
Christmas had been a big thing between them, the combination of Olivia’s lack of decent Christmas memories and Alex’s stiff upbringing had meant that they bonded over a lack of inherited Christmas spirit, they had made a small tradition between themselves, spending at least part of the holidays together and exchanging small gifts, gradually understanding why it was so important to others.

After spending this week thinking that she had broken their bond, she felt a small sense of hope ignite within her.

She grabbed her keys and made a quick trip to the bodega along from her building, picking up anything that could be considered vaguely Christmas themed.

Before she could talk her self out of the idea, she called Olivia.

“Benson.”

“Hey Liv, are you busy?”

Softly, “Hi Alex, no, I just got home, I am not on call tonight, do you need something?”

“I got the packages you left. Would you like to stop by for dinner? I have Turkey and stuffing and apple pie?”

Olivia hesitates; she can feel it, even over the phone. It makes her even more nervous than she was before, but the prospect of spending time with Olivia Benson allows her to draw some of the old Alex Cabot back out. “You aren’t going to make me celebrate Christmas alone are you, Detective?”

“No, of course not Counselor, should I bring anything?”

“No, I have everything we need.”

As soon as they hung up Alex sets about preparing the food, but mostly waiting for Olivia’s arrival.

She is so nervous she barely registers the doorbell, followed by the brisk knocking moments later.

She opens the door to find the source of her strength and comfort on the other side, how could it have taken her so long to understand this?

“Merry Christmas, Liv.”

“Merry Christmas, Alex.”


End file.
